2|10|2025Hey, Gem. Zhara here, and I’m back with another one.
Let’s jump into it.
Discernment over Deals x Zhara. J.
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Let’s talk about it, Gem. We all know networking is king and is powerful. Because of this, it’s easy to find ourselves caught up in relationships that feel less like meaningful connections and more like transactional exchanges. You know the type: the “What can you do for me?” crowd.
While collaboration is powerful, constantly being viewed as a resource can leave you drained and questioning your worth beyond what you bring to the table. Let’s talk about how to recognize these one-sided connections, protect your energy, and build relationships rooted in mutual respect.
Research suggests that our increasingly digital world has fostered a culture of networking that often emphasizes utility over authenticity. A study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people are more likely to form shallow connections when they view relationships as tools for personal gain. Think about it, Gem: How often do we hear advice like, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know?” While that’s not inherently bad, it can make relationships feel more like business deals than bonds.
Signs Someone Sees You as a Resource:
The Ask Comes Early: If someone’s first conversation with you involves a favor, it’s a red flag. True connections grow organically, not out of obligation.
Little Interest in You: They skip the “How are you?” and dive straight into “Can you help me with…?”
All Give, No Take: You find yourself giving advice, connections, or resources, but they never reciprocate.
Ghosting After Gains: They disappear once they’ve gotten what they need. (This one pisses me off more than anything, Gem)
Constantly being treated like a stepping stone can erode self-esteem and trust. Psychologists warn against falling into the “helper syndrome,” where we derive value solely from what we do for others. Gem, relationships should uplift and support, not leave you feeling used.
The key to navigating this dynamic is Discernment.
Evaluate Intentions: Ask yourself, “What do they value in me? Is it my company, or is it what I offer?”
Prioritize Mutual Energy: Look for relationships where both parties are genuinely interested in each other’s well-being, not just what’s on the résumé.
Say “No” Without Guilt: It’s okay to decline requests that feel one-sided. You’re not required to overextend yourself for others.
Invest in Authentic Connections: Build relationships with those who see your worth beyond what you can do for them.
Renowned poet Nikki Giovanni once said, “If now isn’t a good time for the truth, I don’t see when we’ll get to it.” Authentic connections are built on truth—truth about who we are and what we bring to the table. When you connect with someone who values you for your essence, not your resources, the relationship becomes infinitely more fulfilling.
Protecting your time, energy, and boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s survival. You’re more than your LinkedIn skills or Instagram followers, so start acting like it.
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Gem, share this blog with someone who needs this reminder: connections aren’t about what you bring but about who you are. Recognize your value, set boundaries, and look for those who will walk alongside you rather than step over you.
Until next time, protect your energy and embrace the beauty of authentic relationships. You deserve it. -Zhara. J.
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