11|23|24Hey, Gem. Zhara here, and I’m back with another one.
Let’s jump into it.
Watch Your Mouth x Zhara. J.
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Let’s get straight to the point, Gem: commenting on someone’s weight—whether it’s about loss, gain, or how “healthy” they look—can do far more harm than good. Sure, it might feel like an innocent observation or even a compliment. But for the person on the receiving end, those words might hit a lot deeper than you realize.
Want my advice? Just stop doing it, seriously. Stop!
As you should know, we live in a world that’s obsessed with appearances, and weight is often treated as an easy topic for conversation. We should all be mindful that weight is a deeply personal and often complex subject, shaped by everything from genetics to mental health to medical conditions.
Today, I’m here to unpack a bit of why we should all think twice (or thrice!) before mentioning someone’s weight. Sometimes, silence might be the kindest thing you can offer; I’ll always stand by that.
When you comment on someone’s weight, you’re assuming what that number on the scale means for their health, happiness, or lifestyle. And assumptions? Well, we all know how those go.
For instance:
Weight Loss Isn’t Always Positive: Someone’s weight loss might be due to stress, illness, grief, or disordered eating—not a newfound commitment to wellness. Telling someone, “You look amazing, have you lost weight?” might reinforce unhealthy behaviors or minimize what they’re going through.
Weight Gain Isn’t Always Negative: On the flip side, weight gain could be a sign that someone is recovering from illness, addressing mental health struggles, or finding balance in their life. A comment like, “You’ve put on some weight,” could feel like criticism, even if it’s unintentional.
According to a study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine, there is no single, direct correlation between weight and health. Weight stigma—negative attitudes or behaviors toward someone based on their weight—can lead to worse physical and mental health outcomes than weight itself.
What might seem like an offhand remark to you could have a lasting emotional impact on someone else. For many people, weight is tied to deep insecurities, past trauma, or societal pressure to look a certain way. A casual comment, even if meant as a compliment, might unintentionally trigger anxiety, self-doubt, or feelings of unworthiness.
The Mental Health Impact:
Studies from the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) show that comments about weight, even those framed positively, can contribute to disordered eating behaviors, body dysmorphia, and negative self-esteem.
Another study in Psychosomatic Medicine found that weight-based teasing is strongly associated with depression and anxiety, particularly in women and adolescents.
Remember, your words might land differently than you intend, especially if the person is already struggling with how they view their body.
Health is about so much more than weight. You can’t tell how someone’s organs are functioning, how their mental health is faring, or what their daily habits look like just by glancing at their body. The whole “thin equals healthy, and larger equals unhealthy” narrative? It’s outdated, oversimplified, and just plain wrong. Body mass index (BMI), often used as a shorthand for health, has been widely criticized by health experts for being an incomplete and sometimes harmful measure.
A study from the International Journal of Obesity found that up to 30% of individuals categorized as “overweight” or “obese” by BMI are metabolically healthy, while nearly 25% of those considered “normal weight” have underlying health conditions. In short, weight is only one small piece of a much larger health puzzle, and commenting on it does little to add value to anyone’s life.
Here’s a simple rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t comment on someone’s bank account, fertility, or medical history, why comment on their weight? It’s personal, it’s private, and most of the time, it’s simply irrelevant.
People are more than their bodies. Compliments or observations that have nothing to do with weight, like recognizing someone’s kindness, humor, or creativity, are infinitely more meaningful and affirming. You’d be surprised how impactful it is to say, “You have such great energy” instead of, “You look like you’ve lost weight.” Let’s do better, Gem!
If you’re tempted to comment on someone’s appearance, here are some alternatives that focus on who they are, not what they weigh:
“You have such a great sense of humor.”
“I love how passionate you are about [insert topic].”
“You light up the room when you smile.”
“You seem happy. What’s been bringing you joy lately?”
These kinds of comments are not only safer but also much more likely to build connections and lift someone’s spirits.
At the end of the day, commenting on someone’s weight isn’t about them, it’s often about us. Whether it’s a reflection of societal norms or our own biases, it’s important to check ourselves and ask: “Why do I feel the need to say this?” If the answer isn’t uplifting or helpful, it’s a good time to hold back.
As humans, we crave connection and validation, but that doesn’t have to come at the expense of someone else’s emotional safety. By normalizing the idea of respecting boundaries, both physical and conversational, we make space for people to feel seen and valued for who they are, not just how they look. Period.
Our words carry weight (pun intended), and it’s up to us to use them wisely. Instead of focusing on appearances, let’s make the effort to see people for their whole selves: their hearts, their minds, and their stories. Because at the end of the day, we all deserve to feel safe and respected in our skin.
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Gem, share this blog with someone who needs the reminder that our value goes far beyond what we see in the mirror.
Until next time, let’s use our words to build each other up in ways that truly matter. -Zhara. J.
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