12|23|21Hey, Gem. This is a lengthy one. If you care to follow along with me, you’ll discover that we may have a lot in common when it concerns love.
All in the Name of Love x Genesis
Love: an intense feeling of deep affection.// a great interest and pleasure in something.// feel deep affection for (someone).// etc.
It’s like the great singer Haddaway once sang, “What is love? Oh baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more”
Hi, you don’t know me, and that’s probably for the best right now, but let’s just hang out for a bit. You know, ride the wave.
First things first, I’m Genesis. Yes, like the car, the first book of the Bible, the band (before Phil Collins and after, of course), the Sega, and so much more. If you’re up for it, allow me a moment of your day to chit-chat about LOVE. Well, the ugly side of love, that is, which is the type of love you definitely want to avoid.
Everyone talks about the good and beautiful parts of love, and how badly they want it. But what I’m about to get into is what you don’t want in the name of love. Absolutely not!
Love, love, love. We love to live, and live to love, right? It’s our nature to just love. Whether it be a pet or a human, it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, we love to love. The end. We can’t avoid that human feeling; unless you’re a robot learning to love, and well, I hope you get through that. But for the human beings reading this, who crave love and want to be drowned in, I get it.
I’m one of those people who is obsessed with love and relationships. I love seeing them, hearing about them, and even giving advice on them (if asked, that is. I'm not running around here like a fake-ass Dr. Phil!). I love to learn about how people fell in love, what they love, and why they love! It’s so interesting, you know, the different reasons and why.
I always say my love magnet is as bad as my friend magnet, and since I’m being honest here, they are both shit. I attract people who thrive off my energy. I’m contagious, loving, and fun! But a lot of people love the idea of being loved by someone by me, without realizing what genuine love truly entails.
If you’re selfless like me, we're usually focused on the needs of others; we wonder what they love, how to make them love us in the ways we need, what their love language is, and how we can make it match ours. Those questions don’t leave a lot of room for compromise or any kind of flexibility. While you're on one end, you have to figure out how to get to the other end to be with your great love. You swim to the ends of the earth for them—to make sure you’re both together on one side. Whew, the stress!
I used to love that way—one-sided. Used to love my partner with an intensity that made the sun look like a nightlight. I was obsessed with my partners and the outlook/narrative they had of me. I didn’t know what a love language was; I didn’t know what meeting in the middle was. Beyond not knowing those things, I didn’t fall in love with someone who understood them either.
At nineteen years old, I met someone who showed me the ugliest side of love—a side I didn’t really know existed because I was a kid myself. I was just learning about my sexuality, learning who I was without the structure of my school or parents, and meeting this person gave me my first taste of “if you see a red flag, run.”
I grew up hearing, “I hit you 'cause I love you. I yelled at you 'cause I love you. I do these things 'cause I love you. You don’t need to understand, just know I love you.” Those phrases echoed in my head for the entire duration of my relationship. Those words shaped my initial love language of just going off my rocker, screaming to scream, and not understanding that I can take a moment to be open and express myself whenever something wasn’t right.
Love is hard work, and not without difficulty. No, it’s not always sunshine, but it’s also not having someone scream at you because you're having an anxiety attack and don’t know how to express it. I wish we all came with our own handbook of things/quirks we have, it would be much easier when we meet someone new; perhaps we could trade notebooks that give us insight. Almost like a stat book, but not really. Too much? Kinda weird? I don’t know, but what I’m getting at is... maybe you don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you shouldn’t be with someone who tells you what’s wrong with you. And if you know what I mean, then you get it.
It’s like you’re telling me you’re hungry, but my response is, “You just ate, you’re not hungry.”
Uhhh, first of all, I know when I last ate. I promise I don’t need you to keep a tally of my meals. And secondly, I just said I’m hungry. As in, I can feel my body wants nourishment, but you know what’s best for me, right? Queue Mother Knows Best from Tangled, please.
Love is patient, even when practicing patience seems almost impossible. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but having a temper tantrum past the age of three is okay. I’m all for tantrums (in the privacy of your home, though. Don’t be throwing yourself down in the middle of the mall, Gem) and expressing that anger. Amid struggling with anxiety and bipolar disorder, sometimes my emotions can be draining and very heavy—every one of them. I'd feel these intense bursts of anger because I never had a safe and loving place to express myself when I was upset. Love is supposed to be that patient side, where your people hear your frustrations and perhaps offer solutions that don’t set you off, ('cause I hate when someone throws logic in my tantrum) and reminds you that this is a temporary feeling.
Love isn’t supposed to tally up your bad moments and hold them over your head as if you’re a terrible person for being human. I once had someone tell me that my emotions were not valid and that it may not seem like a big deal. But imagine for two consecutive years someone telling you how you need to feel, why you can’t be a certain way, and forcing you to hold yourself back. Forcing you to just take it to the chin because they have never seen someone as emotional as you, then shutting down to where now you’re almost questioning yourself whenever a situation arises. Am I reacting appropriately? Does this need a reaction? And while not everything warrants an outward reaction, do not take shame in allowing yourself to naturally feel. It’s your right! Love envelopes you in safety and releases you from that fear—not adds to it.
And lastly, love is unconditional.
I’ve always been on the hunt for unconditional love; the love you saw in movies, the one that carried Big and Carrie through all their bullshit— that kind of intense, can’t stay away from it, love. But instead, I found an Aiden. Where my love was conditional, and although my partner was everything I was looking for, I still didn’t receive all the love I needed. Conditional love comes with some outlandish terms like: “You need to stop laughing that loud." "I'm just gonna start getting annoyed.” “You’re seriously going to lay in bed all day?” And before we get too deep, let me say this, constructive criticism is one thing, it means you’re providing feedback with a possible solution. Criticism with nothing constructive coming from it is simply bullying.
I said what I said.
Unconditional love is the type of love that, regardless of the day, mood, or moment, pulses inside of you, nonstop. Regardless of the person's bad, ugly, or gross moments… it doesn’t decrease or devalue what’s real. It’s the kind of love where you might not shave your legs for a month, but your bae still rubs up on you like you’re some 90s video vixen. Because hey, you’re my babe, and so what? Unconditional love is the love that notices you’re in bed all day and brings you something to drink, eat, or even lay in bed with you. Just to make sure you feel loved, understood, and more importantly, not alone.
Unconditional love comes with no price and all the perks, just don’t take advantage of it. Not everyone in this world can provide unconditional love, so when you find it? Enjoy it, and learn from it. Cause it’s beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful!
If you hadn’t realized yet, love is one of my favorite emotions to talk about. I grew up in a home where the words ‘I love you’ were few and far in between the older I got. So when I became an adult and realized that I could create a community to love and love me, I tried my best to connect with people who would welcome/be welcomed by me! Through that, I’ve gone through some buck wild shit. Sometimes I look back at my life and ask myself, “What were you thinking, Miss Thing?” I’ve experienced pain that I hope people never experience, and if ever I find out they do, I can’t help but express my love for them. I can’t help but share my story and try to help them understand their worth, and that they deserve better.
But in all, I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world, 'cause if I did, then I wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk my s#!t. To let people know that they aren’t alone. The pain is temporary, and the memory will fade, but you will come out the other side wiser, happier, and more free than you’ve ever been.
After all, you are an immense treasure.
Oh, there’s one more thing I forgot to mention—I love you, xoxo.
Wishing you unconditional love and healing - G
Photo Cred: Pinterest
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