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Greetings, Gem. I pray you’re well, and I hope you’ve been relishing all your hard work and progress.

Let’s get into it!

Healing After A Friendship Breakup x Shanice

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Gem, it’s no debating that friendship breakups can be just as painful—sometimes even more so—than romantic ones. Unlike romantic relationships, friendships don’t always have clear “breakup” moments, making the loss harder to process.

When a friendship ends, it can feel like losing a piece of yourself, especially if it was a long-term bond. But healing is possible and you can get through this season of heartache.

Research shows that losing a close friend can have significant emotional and psychological effects. According to psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, friendship loss can trigger feelings of rejection, grief, and loneliness, which impact our mental health much like a romantic breakup (Franco, 2022).

A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that friendships are crucial to our well-being, and their loss can lead to increased stress, emotional distress, and even lower self-esteem (Parks & Floyd, 1996). Our brains process social rejection in the same way they process physical pain, which explains why a friendship breakup can feel so devastating (Eisenberger et al., 2003).

Gem, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s normal to grieve a friendship. Suppressing emotions only prolongs the pain. Give yourself permission to feel and process your emotions instead of trying to get over it quickly.

Be kind to yourself during new, unexpected transitions.

Seek closure, but accept that you might not get it. Unlike romantic breakups, friendship breakups often happen gradually or without explanation. If possible, having an honest conversation with your former friend can help provide clarity. However, if that’s not an option, writing a letter, even if you never send it, can help you process your thoughts better and also release them.

Lean on your support system. Just because you lost one friend doesn’t mean you have to go through the pain of it alone. Talk to trusted friends, family, or even a therapist about what you’re feeling. Studies show that social support is one of the biggest factors in resilience and emotional recovery (Cohen & Wills, 1985).

Practice self-compassion. If you're blaming yourself, take a step back. Relationships are a two-way street, and friendships sometimes end simply because people grow in different directions. Speak to yourself with kindness, like you would a friend in the same situation.

Fill the void with new connections. Gem, this doesn’t mean rushing to replace your old friend, but instead, allowing yourself to remain open to new relationships. Engaging in hobbies, joining clubs, or reconnecting with old friends can help ease the loneliness.

Healing from a friendship breakup takes time, but it also provides an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. As author and poet Nikki Giovanni once said, “Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to the error that counts.”Friendships, like all relationships, are learning experiences.

While the pain of losing a friend can linger, it’s important to remember you are still whole without them. Some friendships are meant for a season, and their ending doesn’t diminish their value. The key is to focus on those who uplift and appreciate you for who you are.

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Gem, share this with someone who is currently enduring a friendship shift; remind them that everything will be okay. 

Until next time, remember that your heart is capable of healing, and new, beautiful connections await. - Shanice.

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