4|23|2025Hello, Gem. How’s your heart? I pray it’s thriving. Let me tell you what’s been on mine.
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt x K.M.
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Let’s be real, Gem: ‘No’ is a complete sentence, but why does it feel like we need to write a dissertation afterward to justify it?
If you’ve ever set a boundary and immediately felt like you owed someone a three-paragraph explanation, you’re just like me and need to alter this. For many women, guilt is the unwelcome sidekick of self-preservation. We’re taught to be agreeable, put others first, and keep the peace. But as we should all know, peace isn’t peace if it costs you your sanity.
Boundaries are not walls; they’re bridges to healthier relationships… with others and with yourself. According to Dr. Brené Brown, research professor and boundary queen, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Studies show that people with strong boundaries experience less stress, less resentment, and healthier interpersonal connections. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that assertiveness and clear communication of personal limits are strongly linked to emotional well-being and self-esteem.
So why do we still feel guilty?
Guilt often comes from internalized beliefs, ones that tell us we’re being ‘mean’ or ‘difficult’ for asserting ourselves. These beliefs are rooted in conditioning, especially for women raised to prioritize nurturing others above their own needs. The good news is, you’re worth isn’t measured by how much of yourself you sacrifice.
When you say ‘no’ to something that drains you, you’re saying ‘yes’ to rest, joy, and the things that nourish you. That’s not selfish, that’s wise. Remember, we’re working on our discernment, Gems.
Start small and stay firm. You don’t have to make your first boundary a grand speech. Begin with a single, honest sentence: “I’m not available for that right now.”
Stop overexplaining. You’re allowed to protect your time, energy, and mental space without writing an essay about it. Guilt thrives on over-justification. Prepare for pushback. Not everyone will applaud your growth. That’s okay. As therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab says in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, “Healthy relationships include boundaries. If someone is offended by your boundary, that’s information, not a problem.” That’s just what it is!
Practice self-compassion and remind yourself: “I’m allowed to choose what’s best for me, even if it disappoints someone else.” Use similar affirmations as armor if needed. Setting boundaries is all about creating a life that feels safe, aligned, and authentic. Doing that without guilt is liberation, Gem. Period.
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Gem, share this blog with another woman who needs to hear that their ‘no’ is sacred. This journey is about progress, never perfection. Let’s keep unlearning people-pleasing, trusting our gut, and reclaiming our voice. Boom!
Until next time, protect your peace, and don’t apologize for it. -K.M.
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