4|15|2025

Greetings, Gem. I pray you’re well, and I hope you’ve been relishing all your hard work and progress.

Let’s get into it!

Unlearning Perfectionism x Shanice

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Let’s be honest, Gem… perfectionism wears a great disguise, doesn't it? On the surface, it looks like ambition, discipline, and high standards. Dig a little deeper, though, and you’ll find anxiety, burnout, and a constant fear of not being enough.

If you’ve ever re-read an email ten times before sending it, scrapped a project because it didn’t feel right, or avoided trying something new out of fear of failing, welcome to the club. We’ve all been there, and many of us are stillllll there. Perfectionism is often praised in our society, especially for women, where being 'effortlessly flawless' has somehow become a goal. 

Who even came up with that standard? Because I have some questions, lotssss of them.

Perfectionism isn’t something we’re born with. It’s something we’re taught. It starts early with the gold stars in school, the praise for being 'the good girl,' and the unspoken rule that our value comes from what we produce, not who we are.

According to Dr. Brené Brown, perfectionism is not the same as striving to be your best. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around hoping it will protect us,” she says. “But it actually keeps us from being seen.”

And to be real, Gem… because you know we prefer to keep it real over here on SheIsTreasure…. being a perfectionist is exhausting.

Psychologists have linked perfectionism to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and low self-esteem. A 2017 study from the University of Bath and York St. John University found that perfectionism has risen significantly among young people, especially women, over the last three decades. Social media plays a big part in this. Shall we talk about it? Those polished highlight reels can make us feel like everyone else has it all together while we’re just trying to remember if we brushed our teeth, handled our hygiene properly, ate a balanced meal, or took care of that errand we’ve been putting off because it seems like too much to handle.

But perfectionism doesn’t just impact how we see ourselves, Gem. It also affects how we show up in our relationships, careers, and creativity. If we’re too afraid to mess up, we’re less likely to take risks, try new things, or share our voice. That’s too much of life to miss out on.

You are allowed to be a work in progress. You are allowed to do things badly while you’re still learning. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to take up space in this world exactly as you are.

Healing from perfectionism doesn’t mean giving up on excellence. It means choosing compassion over criticism. It means celebrating your small wins. It means being okay with ‘done’ instead of chasing ‘perfect.’

Following me, Gem?

Start your day with a gentle affirmation like, “I give myself permission to grow at my own pace.” Or “My worth is not defined by my productivity.” Write it on a sticky note, put it on your mirror, set a timer… do whatever you need to affirm it. Make sure you let it interrupt those harsh thoughts when they try to creep in.

You don’t have to earn your worth, Gem. You were born with it.

This is your reminder that we’re allowed to be messy and still be worthy. We’re allowed to try, to change, to grow, and to figure it out as we go. One of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou sums it up best: “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

So let’s stop pretending that beauty… or success… or healing is supposed to look effortless. Let’s stop chasing perfection and start practicing and extending grace.

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Gem, share this blog with someone who needs the reminder that this journey is about progress, not perfection. We should keep listening to our hearts, mastering our discernment, and giving ourselves the same softness we give others. Together, we can unlearn the pressure and choose peace instead.

Until next time, remember: you are not a project to be fixed. You’re a soul to be honored, period. - Shanice.

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