8|26|2024Hello, Gem. How’s your heart? I pray it’s thriving. Let me tell you what’s been on mine.
Unmasking Myself x K.M.
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Gem, I've been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. The kind of person who would rather stretch themselves thin than say “no,” who would twist into a pretzel just to keep everyone happy. Sound familiar? It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
It took me years to recognize that my constant need to please others wasn’t just about being friendly or helpful but seeking validation and fearing rejection. But the turning point came when I realized that I was sacrificing my happiness in trying to make everyone else happy.
The journey to overcoming people-pleasing hasn’t been an overnight transformation; it’s been a slow, sometimes painful process of unlearning old habits and building new, healthier ones.
The first step was acknowledging that I had a problem. I started noticing patterns in my behavior: agreeing to plans I didn’t enjoy, taking on tasks I didn’t have time for, and avoiding conflict at all costs. I realized my “yes” was more about preventing disappointment than genuine willingness.
I began with small changes. The first time I said “no” to an unnecessary obligation, it felt like a monumental shift. My heart raced, my palms sweated, but I stood my ground. To my surprise, the world didn’t end. The more I practiced this, the more I understood that my worth wasn’t tied to my ability to make others happy.
Learning to set boundaries was another crucial step. It was initially uncomfortable, like trying on new heels that needed to be broken in. I had to remind myself that boundaries aren’t about pushing people away; they’re about creating a space where I can thrive. I started being honest about my limits and needs. And guess what, Gem?! True friends respected those boundaries, and my relationships became more authentic. Purrr!
One of the hardest lessons was understanding that caring for myself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. I began prioritizing my well-being, carving out time for activities that recharged me. Whether reading a book, walking, or simply doing nothing, I learned to value my own needs.
Gem, perfectionism often goes hand-in-hand with people-pleasing. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t please everyone, and that’s okay. Embracing my imperfections and understanding that it’s okay to make mistakes has been liberating. It’s a reminder that I’m human, and the effort counts, not the unattainable goal of perfection.
The most empowering part of this journey has been finding my voice. Speaking up for myself, expressing my opinions, and standing firm in my beliefs have given me a sense of freedom I never knew existed. It’s a work in progress, but every step forward feels like reclaiming a piece of myself.
Overcoming people-pleasing is a gradual, ongoing journey. There are still moments of self-doubt and the occasional slip back into old habits. But with each step, I’m learning to value myself more, to be kinder to myself, and to live more authentically.
If you’re on a similar journey, know it’s okay to take it slow, Gem! Celebrate the small victories, be patient with yourself, and remember that you deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else. The road to self-discovery and self-acceptance is long, but every step you take is towards a more fulfilling and authentic life.
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Gem, send this to a recovering people pleaser who needs the reminders.
Until next time, I’m sending you lots of love as you learn to put yourself first. - K.M.
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